ASPS Member Quotes

Susanna Nguyen
Finance & Marketing
“What, this is real?”

Jeffrey Waring
Chemical Engineering
“In this day of social unrest and uncertainty, I have been forced to re-evaluate my ideals and philosophical beliefs towards the broad question of life and existence. Each day a dark cloud of conservatism and dogmatic rhetoric covers our eyes more and more. Truth it seems, has been shuffled off by the wayside. And all the while I find myself asking questions that appear unanswered. Why are we here? Is there some higher calling that I am destined for? Should I seek this Truth in the Bible, the Koran, and the Torah? Do I forage for the answers of Christ, Yahweh, Allah, and Buddha? Simply put: yes and no. You see, while these religious teachings offer me spiritual comfort in wake of such hatred in the world, they do not satisfy me in another vital conflict of the modern age: squirrel persecution. While we as humans engage in bloodshed and fear, we do nothing in regards to our furry mammalian cousins. They are lost in a sea of SUVs, suburban sprawl, and war with ‘terrorist’ states. This, my squirrel loving friends, is wrong. As a proud ASPS member, I have dedicated myself to the noble cause of squirrel protectionism and understanding. The Bible may bring comfort, but seriously folks, the ASPS will do more for those cute li’l critters. So I implore everyone everywhere, put down your fists of anger, and raise up the hand of friendship towards our friends in the trees. P.S. [deleted] you, George W.”

Matthew Tucker
“Albino squirrels did not land on green trees; green trees landed on albino squirrels.”

Albert Ko
Finance and Management
“What's my obsession with nuts?”